As I sit here in the waiting room for what seems like the billionth time this year, begging for yet another answer and a solution , I have realized how truly blessed I am. My health has taken some questionable turns, my body has put itself through more than it should ever have to but I still have it. I am able to clear my head by running miles a day. I am able to eat what I choose and carry myself throughout the day. I have weaknesses and there are aspects of myself I wish could be better. So I have a little pain. I also have so much more. I have the ability to wake up every morning in a clean, safe house filled with so much love. I have a handful of people that I can rely on in any situation. I have food on my plate at every meal and plenty in between. I have a job that I love and the ability to influence so many young kiddos. I have a dream to chase and the resources to do so. I have so many opportunities and experiences to learn from. And yet I sit here in this faux leather chair where people whose lives may be in jeopardy have sat. This same chair has held expectant mothers, transplant receivers, nervous loved ones, and everyone in between. But right this very second, this is my chair. A frustrated twenty year old who has spent so much time being angry that I have pain and no answer. Maybe it was this seat that provided the realization. Do I believe that a chair has the ability of passing on wisdom? No. But I do believe that it does take time to understand the journey God has put us on. I am on this road because I am strong enough to excel on it. It isn’t about finding the exact reason behind the pain you have but rather about realizing that pain is only one part of life. So much more of it is knowing that being thankful for all the amazing pieces of life make the pain seem not so important. I have spent so much time trying to find the right pill. The right medication to make the pain go away. All I really needed was a dose of reality and a new outlook on life.
The moon is empowering. It is constantly changing having to adjust to the movement of the universe. But it is nonetheless in charge of its own existence and everything else must succumb to her pressure. The waves that beat at the earth are controlled by the changes of the moon while the hands of the clock moved based on her schedule. The sun may control her light but she controls the way of the world. She moves across the sky with grace and as the stars cloud the black night, it is still her beauty that takes my breath away. I am greeted by her every morning and kiss her goodbye each night but most importantly, when the worries written on the inside of my mind are too strong to close out, it is her friendship I long for while the rest of the world sleeps. She is the one that whispers secrets of the night and promises of a better tomorrow. She is the messenger of the light at the darkest hour and her beauty is undeniable. There are holes, crevices and dimples on her outer layer but nonetheless, she rises high into the sky each and every night. It is not the overwhelming brightness of the sun most inspiring, but the subtleness of the moon that reaches my soul deepest.