cup of coffee

I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what to say because I never thought it would come to this between you and I. Brenna and Tayler was a duo that I never questioned. I never once asked whether you would be in my future. I never once doubted that you were my right hand man. But now it seems as though, tomorrow is completely out of the question. that a response from a simple text is a pleasant surprise. it seems as though “biffie” initiating a conversation will happen when Haley’s comet soars again. But i am not the type of person who can just fade someone out of my life. i need closure. i need to know if there is a possibility of celebrating our college graduations as we have celebrated our preschool and high school graduations. i need to know if there is a chance of birthdays spent on the beach, of first row AVS games, of Miley Cyrus concerts, and free ice cream out the back door. i need to know if there are going to be more trips up the stairs at red rocks, of runs down the platte river, of drives to wherever blasting rap songs we have no business singing the lyrics to. of travelling across the country to see one another. of sarcastic filled, wine drinking, shark video watching Saturday nights in pajamas. in binge drinking, and downtown walks. of opposing political conversations. of feelings like we are each others’ family. Because if not Tayler Rae. if i am the only person in this relationship willing to call the other out on being honest. if i am the only person in the relationship willing to text you first, call you first, wish you the best, make sure you are happy, make sure you are okay, i have to let go. i have to determine and reach that closure on my own terms. i have watched many friends fall by the wayside, i have been hurt many times. but never by you. and it kills me, breaks me down to an unexplainable level that a cup of coffee is what has destroyed the most beautiful relationship i have ever known. i love you Tayler rae. i miss you. i have never been so genuine about wishing someone the best but i cannot hold onto the idea that you and i will be in each other’s life in the same way ever again if you are unable to put forth the effort to make this work.