Am I more than you bargained for yet?

I wander. Thats what I do- i get in the car and disappear without warning. Sometimes for a couple hours, sometimes for a couple of days. I grow silent. Thats what I do- I bottle every letter that is on the tip of my tongue and I shove them down my throat. I drink- thats what I do. I”ll take wine straight from the bottle or beer from a can. Keep your tequila. I curse, I scream, I  say shit under my breath. I cry, I grieve, I grow restless. When I decide I want something- there is no turning back. When I decide I hate something- there is no turning back. I will not bring up my political opinions until you disrespect someone’s human rights but I will judge what shoes you are wearing without blinking. I want to go camping and hiking and fishing but goddamn it- I want my bubble bath with candles afterwards. I beg for constructive criticism but the second you question a decision I have made, I will verbally attack you. I am spontaneous but appreciate punctuality and itineraries. I go with the flow but want it to be structured. I need to know what the rules are so I am able to know just how far I can break them. I take people in with open arms but my door is always locked. I wear hoodies every chance I get but I’ll be rocking booty shorts right underneath; jeans, boots, and a tank top. I like my men bald with a beard and hairy chests. I want to work with children every day of my life but I do not crave to have one flourish within my womb. The sunset is the most beautiful part of the day but I’ll get up for the sunrise any day.

I contradict myself on the daily- in any conversation, with the clothes that I wear and the attitude I maintain. I hate marshmallows but love s’mores. Get the picture? I will make you cringe, cry, belly laugh, slam doors, drink away your frustrations, throw you surprise parties, and never walk away angry. I will make you crazy, tired, ecstatic. Am I more than  you bargained for yet?

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brennabeluga

Just a lost soul trying to make sense of the world

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