“Hi brenna”

A greeting- casual in fact. Two words that insinuate some kind of mutual exchange of friendliness. As if waiting for a response. Two words that come off as innocent, empty almost. As if somehow implying a lack of history. As my stomach dropped, my head became fuzzy, and my feet walked themselves out the door- those words echoed after me. But rather than empty, they were cold, full of resentment, anger, fear, history. It’s been six months of healing, of looking at the person growing in the mirror and becoming more and more confident, of everyday thinking about you less and less. And then with two words, and a glimpse of your snapback- you destroy that. You bring me back to a place of vulnerability- of hatred- of dependence. With two, empty words you bring me back to a place void of nothing but rather a place where every single emotion rushes through my bloodstream like poison.

They say when a snake bites you- you have to suck the poison out so the body can start healing itself rather than circulating the danger around the heart. Funny- how the animal kingdom is so applicable to the emotional damage we put ourselves through. I’ve sucked the poison out before- nearly drowned myself trying to prevent it from circulating my heart vessel.

Your bark has always been worse than your bite- it was your words that broke my bones rather than the sticks and stones you threw. But this time- you did both with two simple words. Once again inflicting your danger into my bloodstream-leaving me to save myself from a paralyzingly, slow death.

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brennabeluga

Just a lost soul trying to make sense of the world

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