yin; yang

yin and yang. I could see them both in your eyes- that subtle sparkle telling me it was okay to fall quickly turned to your hands gripping my hair, bruising my thighs. your energy pushing me down rather than catching me like you had promised an hour beforehand. You spoke of your two sides vaguely which helped me deny the characteristics of yours that brought back so many memories of pain and vulnerability.

I let you play me. I let myself fall into the same mind space I was in a year ago. You were no different. I fell for you in the same way I fell for him. An appreciation of the world not typical to every other human, one that I can grow and love from. You carried yourself with a sense of elegance and poise- I was overwhelmed by you. Lustful towards you. I saw so many beautiful things you have to offer with a little hesitancy-yin. Then you showed me your strength, your anger, the shadow you have yet to master- yang.

the look in your eye in the library, full of passion and love was seductive and tempting. but then you looked at me again. Your shadow was no longer just a glimpse- a fraction of what you have to offer. it encompassed your whole being. I was searching for a small circle of hope- the light and passion I knew was there but it was absent- the dark smothering the beauty of your eyes.

your two sides are not yet balanced my love. your shadow helicopters over your beauty.

you were a test for me. would I take it upon myself to continue searching for that light inside your shadow- hurting myself in the process or would I allow you to find that balance on your own knowing you have no opinion either way. cheers to balance. may you find yours.