Fantasies

I don’t fantasize about sex, I fantasize about a healthy relationship, about fighting battles  and overcoming hardships. I fantasize about a man who kisses me on the forehead in the morning and comes home without having touched another’s.

What turns me on most is not a touch in between my legs but grabbing my hand while I’m in the passenger seat- a kiss at a red light. What turns me on most is effort, trust, and vulnerability.

A conversation- a back and forth, exchange of ideas. That is sexy. Forget physical stimulation. I get hot off the passion in someone’s voice when they talk about what is meaningful to them. Touch my soul and simultaneously, you touch the rest of me.

I’m not worried about what sexual position you have tried or even which one you favor most. Have you ever tried letting your guard down? Or doing everything in your power to make sure the person that you are lying next to you isn’t falling asleep unhappy or scared? Have you ever tried looking into her eyes to tell her how much she means to you?

I don’t fantasize about sex. I fantasize about a relationship, separate from the rest of the world-private. One in which each party pushes each other to become better, success, celebrations and hardships. I fantasize about taking the world on with a hand to hold.

drop the weights, swim

sometimes it hurts so much that there aren’t any words to describe it. sometimes the cut of betrayal is so deep, the soul cannot repair the void.

there are people in your life that you just rely on, you never question their dependability or loyalty.

and then they surprise you. they show you just how much alike everyone else they are. they begin to exhibit the brain washed ideals of superiority, privilege, and lack of empathy as any given stranger.

the flaws once able to be tolerated cannot be done so any longer.

the people you once thought were bound to help you succeed turn out to be the weights attached to your feet.

let the hurt hurt, but drop the weights. stop holding your head above water for those who would let you drown.