Scared Straight

I’m young, maybe a little naive. I make choices with limited acknowledgment of potential consequences. I understand that the world is filled with risks and ramifications but I have chosen to live my life pushing them both. And so far, I have been blessed with adventures, stories to tell, lessons learned, failures, and successes.

There have been numerous close calls, nights on the street, drug use, and pain that is not poetic. But I have never considered any of the experiences life-altering. I have always been confident in my ability to protect myself or trust my intuition and know when to leave any given situation. I have always felt invincible; that I would learn from a mistake but not be changed eternally by it.

Until I got that phone call. Until a medical professional deemed me breakable and fragile.  My choices, my risk-taking finally got the best of me. It took crying in the middle of an empty parking lot at two in the afternoon, the embarrassment of waiting for a pharmacist to refill my meds, and waiting by the phone hour after hour to hear if my future was forever altered for me to acknowledge that life is short.

I have taken my entire life and the blessings throughout it for granted.

I am so blessed that this particular life lesson came in moderation. Life-changing but reasonable. I was able to see from a distance how close I came to a life-altering mistake. I may be young and even naive, but for the first time I was scared that my life may never be the same again. For the first time, I took a look in the mirror and reflected on my choices and the implications of them. I am sincerely apologetic to every individual that has been affected by my decisions-especially within the last week. And I am sorry that it took me learning this particular lesson to realize that my decisions, my risk-taking, my invincibility, cannot always go without consequence.

This is the first time I can say that a decision I made has forever altered the way I will address an opportunity presented to me.

Life is so beautiful and I have taken it for granted for too long. I’m taking this lesson in stride and learning from every step that got me to where I am right now.

Count your blessings. And stay safe.

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Just a lost soul trying to make sense of the world

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