It is the last week of March and already this year has been filled with hospital visits, colds, viruses, sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, etc. There have been numerous stressors emotionally, physically, mentally- within and between relationships, financially, and professionally.

There has not been an aspect of my life in which I have not felt some kind of frustration, grief, or discomfort throughout these first twelve weeks of 2018.

I also have not stopped pushing myself to accomplish as many things as possible this year. Constantly searching for work, applying to graduate programs, being productive in some way or another every single day.

I have felt disheartened by letting go of a dream and not following up with something productive or even meaningful- attempting to fill every void with anything that makes me feel the slightest bit proud.

And then a friend told me to embrace the rest. We push constantly for the grind and success, assuming any break will come off as lazy and reap no benefit.

But what we all are forgetting is that, rest and recovery are fundamental. No flower blooms all year long, sprinters only run for short distances, the climax is the shortest part of a story. Everything else is struggle, overcoming obstacles, build up, calm down, setbacks and small victories.

Rest. Recovery. Reflection.

Our society minimizes the importance of each and then questions why we are all so drained, exhausted, unstable. We wonder why our young school children are responding to bullying in lethal ways or why the majority of adults in this country are medicated with uppers and mixing them with downers.

We need to, collectively, appreciate the power of rest, relaxation, and reflection. Life doesn’t need to be constant grinding, constant success. There are ups and downs and we should ride em both out.


I hope you are all able to pour yourself a glass of wine and watch a movie tonight. Or take a bath, roll up a blunt and freestyle, cuddle with someone you love. Whatever it is, please take a second for yourself. Give yourself a break. Our bodies are not meant to be on the move every second of every day- it took 12 weeks of being constantly sick and uncomfortable for me to recognize that the universe, a man in the sky, whatever you believe in is trying to tell me that this is not my time to bloom, but my time to rest. And that there is nothing wrong with that.

Don’t Let the Depression Fool You

It is so easy to become a victim. It is so common to become the target of a crime, to experience pain at the hands of another human. It is so easy to have one hard day, week, or year and make that the new norm. Feeling broken becomes a routine. Seeking help whether professionally or just begging for a laugh and being denied becomes more common than not.

“Numb.” “Blah.” “Breathing.” “Hangin in.” All replace “well” or “fine” when asked how you are. What were once huge celebrations are now just smirks across your face. The biggest disappointments become expectations. There are no more highs and lows- it all feels the same.

Until you change how your eyes see the world around you. Until you take yourself out of the equation. We are souls renting space on this Earth for a short period of time. There are struggles, there are hardships but my god, there is so much beauty and some days, you have to look harder for it but I pinky swear- you will find something if you look hard enough.

  • Do not deny the hues of red, pink, and orange the sun grants us twice daily as he rises and sets on either side of us. 
  • Do not ignore the sound of birds chirping right after a downpour. 
  • Dogs snore in their sleep and children will laugh at a silly face. 
  • A glass of ice cold water or change in toenail polish can change the course of an emotion. 
  • There are thousands of texts filled with millions of different letter combinations that will strike the strings of your heart if you give them the chance. 
  • Do not forget that your smile is the only thing that makes your momma’s heart skip a beat or that your hair stands up on your arms when you’re cold whether you are livid or jumping for joy.

Depression is so real. It takes over our bodies and our minds like a blanket, smothering every instance of joy.

But you can break the cycle of victimization with one acknowledgement of the beauty in your life daily. It takes a lot of work. It requires becoming conscious of our emotions and actively refusing to become “blah” or “numb.”

Easier said than done. I am fighting with myself and the victim I have let myself become daily. It is an active choice each moment. And some days, I do not succeed. Some days,  I can barely get myself out of bed. But nonetheless, I acknowledge the blessings I do have and the beauty I can see even when it becomes blurred from tear-filled eyes.

Do not become a victim in your own life. Do not give up. You are more powerful than you know.

Depression will take over your life and it is up to you to fight back. Everyday is a battle- you win some, you lose some, but the war is your life. And you have the ability to decide the winner.

*Below is my personal email address for anyone to utilize. Do not be hesitant to reach out to me if today or any day is one of those unsuccessful days or where the beauty is smothered in gray. Mental health is one of the most important aspects of our existence on this planet and one that is often ignored. I will ALWAYS be available to aid in reducing the feeling of being a victim to your own life. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me.


Flying away from Complacency

I have never particularly, been a fan of flying. There is just something about sitting in the clouds for a few hours and trusting that the force of gravity won’t increase at any given moment that has never sat completely right with me.

But most recently, it has become less about physics and more about pulled heart strings.
There is so much emotion in an airport and all of these emotions take shape as busy bodies just moving from Point A to Point B as efficiently (in most cases) as possible- vibes, energy, and thoughts being shuffled around terminals.

Then, a conglomerate of all of these emotions sit together on an airbus thousands of feet in the sky.

Some dozing off, some refusing to step away from their work, some begging their child to rest, others staring out the window. There are people who are constantly checking in with loved ones, others who strictly worry about themselves and their luggage.

Everyone has a theory about what the best way to fly is but no matter what- we all end up vulnerable and at the mercy of the wind.

It is horrifying and exhilarating all at once.

When those wheels come off the ground, I fight back tears knowing that it is a subtle and yet blatant reminder that we do not need wings to feel freedom. We are able to take the world on as far as we ourselves are willing to go.

As my ears pop, I realize my fear of flying isn’t so much about the physical phenomenon about floating in the clouds but that I am too scared to get my feet off the ground and push myself to see every corner of this planet.

It’s not about the rise in physical elevation but in elevating ourselves to be better and do better.

We as humans can do anything we put our minds to and as I sit and stare at the clouds turning that cotton candy shade of pink as the sun sets over there right wing of the plane- I am simultaneously overcoming my fear of complacency.

Versatile Blogger Award

Huge thank you and shoutout to Bernard Chinua  for nominating brennayarian.com for the Versatile Blogger Award. It has been so fun to get this blog up and going and writing for a larger audience than myself. I have been beyond blessed with feedback and support from all my readers and I will be forever grateful for you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Rules of the Award Nomination:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you and add a link to their blog site.
  2. Nominate blogs that you have recently discovered or follow regularly.
  3. Share 7 things about yourself that people may not know.

Nominated Blogs:

  1. Let’s Get Sober!
  2. education pathways
  3. Baffled Mum
  4. Sarah Russell Poetry
  5. Adult-ish

7 Fun Facts:

  1. I have a freckle on my left eyelid
  2. Scary movie and wine nights are my absolute favorite
  3. I have never travelled outside of the United States (but I am on my way soon!)
  4. Chapstick is a must no matter where I go
  5. Drowning is my biggest fear
  6. Libraries and old book stores make my heart sing
  7. Documentaries > anything

Thank you all so much for the likes, shares, comments, and nominations. During a time in my life where I have felt lost and bored with routine and the way things were going for me, this blog site has offered an outlet for so much love and I am beyond appreciative of that. Have a great day and make someone smile! 

Lost and Found

you can find me chasing the sun rays as they disappear behind the mountain silhouettes. you can find me waiting patiently for the constellations to connect themselves across the midnight skies. I am constantly looking for the depths of my own soul along two lane roads and corn fields. my feet are playing in the sand at any given beach while my head is playing in the clouds 14,000 feet in the sky. I am sipping coffee from foreign lands, fulfilling my taste for adventure for a few short minutes. I retreat to familiar faces, embrace hugs, and appreciate home for what it is- a place to come back to. Home for me, has never been a place to stay but rather a place to refuel. I am craving to fly and not scared to swim. I want to experience the highest highs and the lowest lows and every roller coaster loop in between. I want to meet the kindest, the rudest, the most insecure and confident people in the world. I want to know what makes people smile and what word triggers a breakdown. I am searching for a sense of nostalgia amongst brand new cities and places. I am searching for my own emotions in letter combinations others have created. Being lost is not something that scares me but something I look forward to. Amongst the wanderers and the dreamers. Amongst the people who never want to stop striving for more. Being found is not the ultimate goal. But finding someone else, somewhere else, something else. thats the goal. I am lost, trying to find anything and everything but myself.

Potential or Opportunity

“All children are born with equal potential but not with equal opportunity.”

I have heard this phrase or an alternate of it several times the last few weeks as I have been prepping professionally to work with high-risk youngsters.

And it breaks my fucking heart.

This country has always prided itself on the fact that all children start from the same distance from the finish line. Every beating heart brought onto this Earth has the chance for success. We constantly reference rags to riches success stories and those who turn their food stamps into college degrees. We have seen it happen a handful of times, therefore it’s possible and no individual should ever fall below that standard.

In this sense, we are saying that the same child who grows up in a food desert, eating nothing but hot Cheetos and Poptarts from the gas station has no excuse to not obtain all the same successes as a child who walks to Whole Foods every weekend with his parents and eats organic almond butter on his nine-grain toast every morning.

The argument for potential vs. opportunity can be outlined in numerous formats: nutrition, transportation, parental involvement, access to healthcare, access to information, biological stress levels, exposure to pollution, exposure to crime, violence, drugs, sex whether virtually or in person, city funding and subsequently school district funding, political agendas, teacher enthusiasm, clear and enticing extrinsic motivators which allows the list to continue infinitely.

The “nature vs. nurture” debate (look into behaviorism and the biological approaches of psychology if you are unfamiliar) has been, at its core, a timeless argument about whether our biology has a more relevant role than our environment in our behaviors/thoughts/ actions.

The recognition of lack of opportunity compared to potential makes a strong argument for the nurture debate in that no environment, no home life, no set of influences impacts any given child the same way. And when that environment epitomizes a “lack of,” success becomes less and less obtainable regardless of the intrinsic motivation one possesses.

Willpower, internal motivation, determination, and desire are immeasurable in their influence over our actions and the course of our lives making those few success stories possible. But they do not excuse the influence the environment has and the lack of acknowledgement our country has for the lack of equal access to success every child taking their first breath has. Children are born with the same amount of potential to change the world but are not given the same amount of resources to do so.

How can we possibly still be blaming a child for not taking advantage of an opportunity that they were never given…